What It Looks Like:
A leader gives traditional feedback—direct, accurate, even kind. But the recipient shuts down. Nothing shifts.
After the Behavior is Integrated:
Instead of feedback, she asks:
“What did you notice in how that unfolded?”
The person reflects, self-corrects, and owns the insight.
Behavioral Impact:
- Shifts learning from reaction to ownership: Encourages individuals to take responsibility for their growth.
- Builds reflective leadership culture: Fosters a team environment focused on self-awareness and improvement.
- Reduces emotional defensiveness: Minimizes resistance by encouraging self-discovery.
Contributing Factors (Unconscious Causes):
- Overuse of feedback as control: Relying too heavily on feedback to direct behavior.
- Habit of correcting without inquiry: Defaulting to giving answers rather than asking questions.
- Cultural norm of top-down evaluation: Following traditional hierarchical methods of feedback.
Underlying Need:
- To support growth without shame: Create a safe space for learning and development.
- To make truth collaborative: Encourage shared ownership of insights and solutions.
- To help others think, not just react: Inspire deeper reflection and independent problem-solving.
Common Triggers / Distortions:
- Underperformance: Feeling urgency to correct mistakes quickly.
- Time pressure: Rushing to give feedback without allowing reflection.
- Legacy leadership models: Following outdated practices of directive feedback.
Remedy & Best Practices:
- Lead with a reflective prompt: Ask open-ended questions to encourage self-awareness.
- Pause after asking—don’t rush to explain: Give space for the individual to process and respond.
- Only offer feedback after their own reflection is complete: Allow their insights to guide the conversation.
Ripple Outcomes (What Changes):
- Accountability deepens: Individuals take greater responsibility for their actions.
- Trust grows without managing emotions: Relationships strengthen as defensiveness decreases.
- People begin to coach themselves: Team members develop the ability to reflect and self-correct.
Guiding Insight:
People don’t change because they’re told. They change when they see it for themselves.
